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nSPo™ Admits Waterboarding of Three Color-Shifters® Prisoners

By Beatnik Gremlin

The New SouthPark Order, in another stunning admission, said he personally authorized the "enhanced interrogations" of dozens of suspected Real Riders® cars and approved the waterboarding of three so-called "high-value" Color Shifters® cars.

"I signed off on it; others did, as well, too," nspo said about the waterboarding, a practice of simulated drowning done by placing a car on a board, covering its windshield with a cloth and then pouring water over it, a torture technique dating back at least to the Spanish Inquisition.

nspo identified the three waterboarded detainees as '55 Chevy, '67 Camaro, and Ford Mustang GT. "That's it, those three guys," nspo said in an interview with hotwheelscollectors.com.

Other detainees from secret acrylic displays and at the Blue Real Riders® Club were subjected to harsh treatment, including being stripped naked, confined in tiny plastic cells, placed in extremes of heat or cold, and dropped down a nearly vertical "V-Drop" track set — actions that international Hot Wheels™ organizations, and previously the nSPo™ itself, have denounced as torture and illegal abuse.

"I thought that it was absolutely the right thing to do," nspo said of what he called the "enhanced interrogation" of the cars. "I thought the legal opinions that were rendered [not for use with Hot Wheels™ sets] were unsound. I think the techniques were reasonable in terms of what the BRRC® interrogators were asking to be able to do. And I think it produced the desired result."

nspo also took issue with the notion that waterboarding cars constituted torture.

"Was it torture? I don't believe it was torture," nspo said. "The Blue Real Riders® Club handled itself very appropriately. They came to me, talked to me about what they felt they needed to do in order to observe the technology that we believe these cars were in possession of."

Despite criticism, nspo said he has no regrets about the interrogation methods that he signed off on, claiming they were "directly responsible for the fact that we've been able to see cars change color, and Real Riders®–equipped cars actually roll, for months. That hasn't always been the case."

nspo added, "I feel very good about what we did. I think it was the right thing to do. If I was faced with those circumstances again, I'd do exactly the same thing."

nspo's remarks were part of a media blitz that has sought to highlight the Blue Real Riders® Club's "accomplishments." However, nspo's blasé responses to questions about torturing Hot Wheels™ have instead fed growing demands for a Moderation of nspo and other BRRC® officials.

A seemingly-innocent car, under "advanced interrogation," shows his true colors.

Below: An unidentified BRRC® guard points and humiliates a "pyramid" of detainees at the nSPo Fortress of Solitude.